Late night thoughts and short letter to my NUMAfams.

Good morning! Hope everyone will have wonderful Monday (in US)

I should be sleeping (it's 1:26am) to be ready to go back to exercise in 5 hours, but I really can't sleep. I even downloaded an app called 'Sleep Pillow' to help me fall asleep, but seems like it's not working for me yet.

It's been already more than a month since I left LA! I'm getting more used to people, transportation, and some of Korean cultures, but I DEFINITELY can't get used to the weather. It's going to be windy and freezing in the morning again. Sigh. I hope this cold weather will go away soon. Spring weather is supposed to approach soon!!!!! 

Other than the weather, I've been getting along with people at church pretty well (I think.) Everyone is really nice and they are all caring which I feel relieved. I was first worried that I might have some confliction with them culturally or for some random reasons, but I haven't had difficulties with any of them so far. I also got a great opportunity to draw main church building as front cover for their seasonal magazine (I posted picture in Facebook. I'll post them in my illustration blog once I take better picture or scan them.) I think I received so much love already. But it keep brings me a question whether they're thinking of me as who I am.

I'm currently involved in young adult ministry and my mom is in charge of it. I shouldn't think or judge or anything, but I wonder if they are thinking of me as an individual or as PK. I think this question has always brought up whenever I met people that she knew first or start going to church that she was involved with. I had an experience where some people were really nice when she was with me or when she was a pastor at their church, but didn't really talk to me when she wasn't around. It didn't happen all the time, but it made me think about going to same church as her might not be a good idea. I wonder if other PKs ever thought about it. Hmm.   It's not like i don't like being in same ministry with my mom; I actually enjoy her sermons (her sermons are easy to understand most of time) and activities. I think it's my problem for thinking this way. I have a lot of fun on Sundays during team meeting and dinner with them. I have a blast hanging out with them, yet I still think about this question. I guess something must be wrong with me. I wonder if these doubts started from having low self-esteem. I definitely got more confidence of myself after girls' CG (and I thank every single one of you for your encouragement, love, support, and much more) but I guess it still takes time to heal completely, especially in Korea where there are so many skinny (and plastic) people who think fat people like me are losers (not everyone is like that, I meant some) and/or because of cultural difference. Honestly, I don't feel huge difference when it comes to cultural stuff, but there are few that I don't understand and I don't think people don't get why I don't understand. Could that be because I was born here? Meh, I don't know. I think I'm just thinking way overhead.

ANYWAYS, I get to attend their winter retreat this Saturday and Sunday. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get rid of these questions and doubts as I get to know them and build more trust and relationship. I also think this will be an interesting experience since I'm going on a retreat with mom for the first time since......I'm actually not sure if I ever went a retreat with her. I wish I was able to go to Renováre before I came to Korea to build more friendship and love with you all NUMAfams. I really miss every one of you. I can't wait until I go back and talk with all of you and share my many experience and stories that I will have by the time I go back to LA. 

Sorry for all the rambling. I wanted to get rid of my thoughts before I sleep so I don't have to think about anything. 


Have a blast day everyone!